The Unspoken Secret to a Happy Marriage: Part 2

Secret to a Happy Marriage Part 1
Don’t be alarmed or kick me out or turn your back on me when I say that SUBMISSION is a huge part of a happy marriage! I didn’t write the manual. GOD DID! In my last post I shared five things I know that submission IS NOT, but now I’d like to elaborate on what godly submission really is. What it really looks like.
So put aside what the world has told you (lied to you) about submitting, and buy into WHY this step could transform your relationship with your husband!

Baby StepsSometimes Obedience to God Requires Baby Steps

For me, once I was able to grasp the concept of respecting my husband and learned fully how much he needed it and for me to speak/do it, everything changed in my marriage. Once I began to see positive results by affirming my husband based on what God was commanding me to do (respect), I realized it was time for me to take God at His word on everything – I couldn’t just pick and choose.  Suddenly, submission and obedience didn’t seem so far out of my grasp, nor so scary.
After all, if the all-knowing and powerful God of the universe who set up marriage as His very own institution can’t be trusted, then who can I trust?  It was then that I decided to stand on God’s word because I believed it was the absolute truth. I also came to the conclusion that if marriage was His, there wouldn’t be anybody who’d want me to succeed more than He did! If we choose to honor God, He will choose to honor us.
Does that mean it will be a cake walk and easy-peasy? Hardly. But still, I’ve been so amazed at how God has blessed our marriage in spite of all the things that can go awry in life and all the mistakes we make. I’ve also been amazed at how often I have had to pinch myself when I’m suddenly watching my Hubs do something (right before my eyes) that requires him to lay down his life for me. I know without a doubt that comes out of respect, submission, and obedience on my part. I am now so very thankful I took the steps as a wife that I needed to because I chose to do what God commanded of me.

I Didn’t Write the Manual… God Did!

If you read in the last post, I shared a quote from a book I love that showed us a beautiful picture of what a wife submitting to a husband looks like. It’s not a woman cowering under a dominant husband, but rather, choosing to bow gracefully to be face-to-face with a man who has placed her lovingly up on a pedestal. With this picture in mind, it is evident that God does not want a husband to dominate his wife. Instead, He wants her to willingly surrender to her husband’s headship.

Why is the wife’s submission to her husband such a critical component of a godly marriage?  The answer is signaled by Paul’s statement in 1 Corinthians 11:8:  ” For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man.” Submission has everything to do with the hierarchy of human creation and the purpose God chose for the man and the woman. The husband was CREATED to be the head and the wife was designed to voluntarily defer to her husband. Submission has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority – it is God’s design for orderly functioning. (emphasis mine)  (When a Woman Loves a Man, Pursuing His Heart, James Ford, Jr. pp. 73-74)

So why SHOULD we choose to Submit? 

  1. We are called to.
  2. When we choose to do what God calls us to do, He blesses us.
  3. Submission points directly to God and his perfect plan. The closer we get to Jesus – the closer we get to each other as husband and wife.
  4. We gain incredible freedom as husband and wife – we are free to be who God DESIGNED us to be!

When we submit, we willingly CHOOSE to let our husbands LEAD.  Super hard to do for a type A personality wife like me, but the rewards and blessings have been unbelievable.

This is what submission looks like to me:

1. I defer.

I choose to honor and affirm my Hubs as the leader of our marriage and family. I lift him up in the role by letting him know that I fully trust him to have the final say.

2. I Make Sure My Husband is #1!

There is nobody or no thing more important to me than my husband and he knows that without a doubt.  He comes before everything else, except Christ in my life, including my children and my home.

3. I Move Over… So He Can Lead!

God calls my Hubs to be the leader and in the past, I have often gotten in his way.  Sadly, this was because I thought I was more capable in some areas.  And to tell the truth, maybe I was.  But guess what, that doesn’t MATTER!  I’m not called to lead!

4. I Keep My Covenant

I made a covenant before God at the altar.  Again, if I choose to honor God by doing what He asks of me, I know that without a doubt that He will honor me. So I choose to submit, revere, and respect my husband even when it’s hard, because I made a covenant that is worth keeping!

Now You’re Cookin’,
Chef Alli

This post originally aired on Periscope ChefAlli@maketakebake in January 2016.
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Chef Alli

Chef Alli is a home-grown Kansas girl on a mission to strengthen families through enabling kitchen confidence, educating the family cook, and encouraging better food relationships. She believes with her whole heart that time spent with our loved ones and our overall quality of life is greatly enhanced by nutritious food made at home with simple, wholesome ingredients. She loves being able to connect and share this passion with others through her website, her social media presence, and her coveted speaking engagements.

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